Monday, October 12, 2009

The First Draft That Ate New Jersey!!!

I was supposed to write a dramatic scene between a father and a son for my screenwriting class. They were suppose to be arguing about what the son wanted to do with his life. The father wanted him to join the family business but the son wanted to be a rock star. I was stuck and couldn't get myself to write anything but then my mom said, "Remember what Felicia Day told you? 'Be brave and write a bad first draft.'" So I said, "Okay fine. I'll write the worst draft possible!" And I did.

(Disclaimer: Felicia Day is not responsible in anyway for this abomination of a first draft.)



FATHER and SON are in the living room arguing.

I told you dad. My band was caught selling coke to
school children but since we have such an awesome
sound we can’t get arrested in this town.

Our police men are so corrupt. I remember seeing them
beat up a baby raccoon.

That wasn’t a baby raccoon. It was a tiny person that
escaped from prison.

He was a cute little bandit wasn’t?

Sure… So are you going to let me borrow the car? We
really need it to smuggle some more cocaine in from

Canada? Canada sucks!

Son turns off the TV.

Dad would you please listen to me!

Turn Cops back on! You know that’s my favorite show.

Dad please! I need you to let me commit a crime with
your car!

I thought I told you to forget your rock star dreams!

I always stop listening whenever you mention that so
technically I’ve never heard you say that.

Your way out of line there buddy!

No you’re out of line!

Okay that’s it. I’m gonna blow up the house!

I’m down with that.

Father blows out the pilot light on the stove and turns on the gas. Then Father lights a match and throws it on the floor of the kitchen.

Okay here we go!

Father and Son both run out the front door as their itty bitty house blows up taking out the entire neighborhood with it.


Friday, October 9, 2009

The ARG Network Television Schedule for 2009-2010

8:00-9:00 PM - Burning Down Your House: A reality show about a group of people who, with permission, burn down peoples' houses.
9:00-10:00 PM - We're Getting Sued: A reality show that follows the cast of "Burning Down Your House" as they experience the American judicial system first hand.

8:00-9:00 PM - Crazed: Alyss Dogget likes to burn things and after burning down her school she is institutionalized. There she meets Dora, a bi-polar sufferer that doesn't take her meds, Drake, a supposed telekinetic, Floyd, a super intelligent sufferer of paranoia who sees things, X, an undercover reporter pretending to suffer from a split-personality disorder, and a group of wacky doctors who aren't in control of anything.
9:00-10:00 PM - Taciturn: After revealing where her best friend is hiding out, Maggie Doret learns that Samantha, her best friend, is being sent away. Maggie decides to give up speaking until she gets to see Samantha again and soon realizes people's lives are over complicated with too much talking.

8:00-8:30 PM - I Don't Know: A comedy about stupid people who don't know anything.
8:30-9:00 PM - Unbelievable: A comedy about three cryptozoolgists who keep encountering cryptids in their apartment complex.
9:00-9:30 PM - Capital: A comedy about a group of friends who spell everything in capital letters whenever they post anything on the internet.
9:30-10:00 PM - Backdoor Pilot: A comedy where stuff happens.

8:00-9:00 PM - Pagan: Pagan Smith is one of many who protect mankind from the forces of evil. There is a Vale that separates humanity from the Demiurge. These creatures work behind the scenes and have been around for millions of years. They're goal is to eventually destroy the vale that separates them from earth. A small group of technologically minded magically inclined scientists discover through many experiments that these creatures exist. They deciede to form a resistance. Another group of scientists were contacted by the Demiurge are trying to let them into our world.
9:00-10:00 PM - Our Lady of Darkness: A female detective and a priest are pulled into a strange mystery involving science, religion, and magic that spans multiple realties.

8:00-9:00 PM - Animal Bloopers
9:00-10:00 PM - This message is displayed on screen: Watch Dollhouse on FOX!

8:00-10:00 PM - 2 Solid Hours of Random Japanese Commercials

We don't have enough money to show anything on Sunday.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Screenwriting Class Homework: Deep Space Nine

I wrote this dialogue thingy for my screenwriting class. The assignment was to basically take two characters and create a conflict between them. Oh, and one of them had to use words that people from certain regions use. I chose New Yorker words like "weisenheimer" and "stoop". The internet said they were New Yorker words so if they're actually not blame the internet.
I wrote this with a sitcommie kinda attitude so that's why its not actually funny. If you think its funny then good for you!
Also, I'm pretty sure posting this in screenplay format here on my blog would be a gianomicus task so blah blah blah.


STEVE is arguing with BILL, who says he’s from Canada, out on the steps in front of his apartment. BILL is sitting in STEVE’s spot and refuses to move.


You know what weisenheimer, I don’t care if you’re from Canada. I’m not letting you sit in my stop.


But I was here first!


Its my stoop!






I’ve always heard you New Yorkers were jerks.


Well its true and we’re proud of it.


I’m sure you are buddy…


Have you seen that South Park episode where Canada goes on strike?


Oh yeah. That was a great episode. Everybody in Canada loved it.

So is it true?


Is what true?


Does Canada really want more money?


Well yeah, doesn’t everybody?


Some celebrities might not.


Maybe in the States but in Canada they can’t get enough.


Why’s that?


It might have something to do with all the beer they drink.


So you guys drink a lot of beer up there huh?


Not really. It’s mostly the celebrities that drink the beer.


Hmm… so are you planning on getting off my stoop anytime soon?




I don’t like maybe.


Well what do you like.


I like you getting your ass off my stoop.


I’ll only get off your “stoop” if you give Canada more money.


Your not really from Canada are you?



Get off my stoop!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Terminator: A Tale of a Mother and Son

When Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles first aired on January 13, 2008 I had the opportunity to watch it with my mom. She'd never seen the movies but for some reason she felt like watching it with me. I loved it but I wasn't really sure what my mom thought about it. The next day the second episode aired. Apparently my mom enjoyed the Pilot because she watched the second episode with me too.

Background on my mom's television viewing habits: She tends to like stuff like NCIS, Law and Order, and Dancing with the Stars. Sci-Fi isn't something she gravitates towards.

So my mom and I continued to watch TSCC... but then Summer Glau got blown up in a car and the writers started wanting more money! That was it. 9 episodes of terminating goodness.

Somewhere in the bowels of the FOX network: "Hey, let's give this Terminator show a second season."

Terminator was renewed! I was so happy but I soon realized I was going to be watching it alone. On Monday nights my mom had something she had to go to. Thus our journey was over.

I continued on without my mom and the second season was even better than the first. There were killer urinals, sorta human/robot sex, and examples of a mother's love. I'd never felt so many emotions while watching a TV show. It was a WOW-BANG-SMACK-TO-THE-HEAD kind of thing. Watching The Sarah Connor Chronicles' second season was probably the greatest experience of my life. But there was always this feeling that something wasn't right.

After the 13th episode the show went on hiatus. It eventually came back on Friday nights and FOX paired it with some girlie sounding show. I was really excited but then I realized something. I was going to be busy on Friday nights. (I blamed Skynet.) Instead of watching TSCC live, like everyone else who could watch it live, I had to wait until midnight (that's significant) to watch it online.

The first three episodes after the hiatus ended made up an unofficial trilogy that focused on the emotional and psychological well being of Sarah Connor. While watching them, online, I started to compare my mom with Sarah Connor. I thought about how my mom would react if she was in the same situation and I also thought about my mom's situation in general. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a high funcitoning form of autism, and I've struggled with depression for most of my life. My life has been pretty difficult which in turn has made my mom's life incredibly difficult. She's had to go to bat for me a lot throughout my elementary, middle school, and high school education. The school I went to wasn't able to deal with any of my learning problems. They didn't have a lot of resources and some of the teachers were jerks. Basically my mom had to deal with a lot of crap but just like Sarah Connor she's never given up.

Anyways, eventually it came down to the last episode. I really wanted to skip out on whatever I had to do just so I could stay home and watch it. Sadly I couldn't. While I was at whatever I was doing I kept checking my watch. When it said it was 8:55 I cried a little. I was seriously heartbroken. It was over.

Then the DVD for Season 2 came out and I understood what I had to do. I had to "travel back in time" to the beginning of Season 2 and rewatch it with my mom. And so our journey continued from where we left off.

Watching the second season of TSCC with my mom was awesome. I'd get all excited when she'd commented on something. It was truly the coolest thing I've ever done with my mom.

After about 3 or 4 episodes I asked my mom who her favorite character was and she quickly said it was Cameron. Then she waited a few seconds and said she also really liked Sarah. And then she said she liked John and basically agreed that they were all cool. My mom made it clear that she didn't like Jesse though. She said she didn't trust her but she liked Jesse's toughness and the way she talked.

At one point I figured out my mom had no idea what Catherine Weaver was. That made sense since my mom hadn't seen T2. I happily explained. My mom did know something that I didn't know when I originally watched the second season. (SPOILER WARNING) She knew there was something weird going on with Catherine Weaver and her pet eel.

TSCC pulls on your heartstrings and there are many scenes that get me choked up. There's one scene though that really hits me hard. (SPOILER WARNING) At the end of the second part of "Today is the Day" John confronts Jesse about her murdering Riley, John's girlfriend. It really shows how much John has grown as a man. Afterwards we see him sitting on the couch with his mom. John breaks down and cries in his mother's arms. When that happened I immediately grabbed ahold of my mom's hand and started crying like a little baby panda.

When we got down to the last episode I knew everything was the way it was suppose to be. I was watching TSCC with my mom and it was almost over.

At one point in the last episode John is talking to his mom and he says "I love you." (SPOILER WARNING) Later John decides that the best way he can save the future is by time traveling forward. He doesn't have much time but he asks his mom to come with him but she wants to stay behind. She tells John that she'll "stop it". Then John gets sent into the future. The last thing we see is the room where John had been in the present and we hear Sarah's disembodied voice say “I love you, too.”