Saturday, October 20, 2012


So I'm not doing good at all right now and I'm really depressed... but saying things that are humorous is making me feel better. I'm feeling good enough to stick my head out of my sadness hole and grab some metaphorical cheese cake, inspired by the real cheese cake I ate earlier...
And now I'm reminded of the Trader Joe's soy ice cream coffee stuff that's in the freezer.
*runs to the kitchen, slips, and falls*
*ends up in the hospital*
Ah... hospital flavored Jello.
*eats some Jello*
You can taste the sickness and blood in every bite. It's so--
*slips into a coma and hugs all of the characters he's created in his scripts like Jean Hyde, Alan Smithee the talking shoebox, Jake Smolder, ____ Scullery, Ricky, Arth the bigfoot ghost, Unicorn Dictionary, Shirt Badass, and all the other characters with awful names*
I love you guys.
*cries as he writes this*

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Self-Interview about Jean Hyde: Babysitter With A Club [work in progress]

In the criminal justice system, stupidly based interviews are considered especially heinous. In Backdoor Pilot Land, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are all watching a marathon of "My Mother the Car" at the moment and should be throw in jail. This is one of those interviews...

Andrew 1: I'm so glad you finally decided to start talking to me again so I could interview you about our comic book, Jean Hyde: Babysitter With A Club, for our blog.
Andrew 2: It's not a problem. When you handed me that baby muskrat I realized I just had put up with you for the sake of Jean. She's the world's greatest talking dinosaur.
Andrew 1: Not really… and I didn't give you a baby muskrat.


Andrew 2: Then where did it come from?

The BABY MUSKRAT points at ANDREW 1.

Baby Muskrat: ATTACK!!!

The BABY MUSKRAT jumps onto ANDREW 1's face biting him.

Andrew 1: Kill it with fire and send it back to hell!

2 hours later…

Andrew 1: So where did we get the idea for Jean Hyde: Babysitter With A Club?
Andrew 2: Your butt.
Andrew 1: Okay… now I want a serious answer.
Andrew 2: When I was watching the scene in Paranormal Activity 3 when SPOILER!!! the babysitter was scared by the demon wearing the sheet and then later when it farted in her face offscreen from that creepy little room and the babysitter left the kids there sleeping and didn't say anything when the parents got home and won the award for worst babysitter and pulled a "Halle Berry at the Razzies" by accepting it, I thought to myself, "What if a babysitter was prepared for the monster and smashed it to death with a hammer?"
Andrew 1: That last part about the award for worst babysitter never happened.
Andrew 2: I'll show you!

ANDREW 2 tackles ANDREW 1 to the ground and bites his face off.

Later in the hospital after multiple emergency surgeries…

Andrew 2: They attached your face back pretty good.
Andrew 1: Pretty well.
Andrew 2: You bastard!
Andrew 1: So why did we decide to write our "What If" idea as a comic book?
Andrew 2: Well after I consulted my mentor, Felicity Knightshade--
Andrew 1: Felicia Day…
 Andrew 2: No! We're both wrong. My mentor is Rooney Mara as Nancy Thompson in the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

[to be continued... or was it?]

Monday, April 9, 2012

A "Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files" Parody VIdeo Proposal

[IMPORTANT: Unless you're willing to travel to LA I'm only looking for Los Angeles residents to help out with this. Just to be clear this is in no way a professional venture. I'm just a screenwriter. I don't have any filming resources. I just thought it would be fun to make a comedic Youtube video. There won't be a budget for this video. If you wanna help you'll being doing it for FREE. It should be a lot of FUN though.]

[Note: If you're a professional filmmaker and can't help out but have any advice for me please post it in the comments below. I'd really appreciate it.]

First off, if you haven't seen "Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files" the first 2 seasons are available on Netflix Instantly and it airs on Syfy.

Wikipedia's synopsis:
"The show follows a team of investigators, led by former FBI agent Ben Hansen, who review various photographs and viral videos (mainly from the internet) of alleged paranormal activity." If a particular piece of evidence is deemed intriguing enough to warrant further investigation, they set out to recreate and explain the sighting."

"The show has been described as Mythbusters meets Destination Truth."

So it's a reality show... which means it's ripe for parody!

Concept: The basic idea for my parody is that instead of the cast of the show being "professional" and "open-minded" they're a bunch of lazy jerks. Also they're idea of paranormal videos is drastically different from the real show. Any video they find on the Internet/Youtube that's a little bit unusual warrants their attention. (For example: Cats playing Pianos or the "Leprechaun in Mobile, Alabama" video) After they watch a video like "a cat playing a piano" they attempt to reenact it. After doing a really half-assed job of it they come to the conclusion that's it's paranormal. When they do find a video that's actually "paranormal" they meet the person who filmed it and instead of being objective immediately accuse them of being a liar and faking it.

Filming: Most of the filming would take place in my apartments' living room. If filming outside becomes necessary my apartment complex's courtyard could be used. If getting a hold of a traditional camera isn't viable iPhones (I don't have one) could be used. If iPhones were used it would make the characters seem even more lazy and unprofessional which could be funny.

Casting: 6 actors would be ideal but it could still work with 5 or 4 actors. Being well versed in improv would be very important. It'll be semi scripted to keep things on track but the actors will generally be free to do and say what they think fits the scene.

As of right now I'm only thinking of this as a single video but I'd be open to making more. I generally only want people who have experience in filmmaking to help make this but that's not a requirement as long as you are willing to actually help and not goof off too much. Also you have to be able to work with other people well and help establish a safe friendly environment. I'll be open to creative ideas as long they fit with the concept. I want this to be a creative group effort and not a dictatorship. If you can't help but know of someone who you think can and would want to please share this post with them.

If you're interested in helping out please leave a comment below.
Things I need to know in your comment:
1. Leave your name
2a. Tell me how you can specifically help out (if you don't have experience tell me how you think you could help)
2b. If you're an actor and you have a Youtube video showcasing your abilities please share it.
3. A way I can contact you directly (email or Twitter | no phone #s)
4. Any questions you might have about any of this. (Only if you have questions obviously.)