Friday, June 19, 2009

94 Awful Short Movie Reviews: Part Zebra

Here it is! The moment that Neptunegrand may have been waiting for... It's the next bitch (I misspelled that on purpose) of awful short movie reviews.

The Thirteenth Floor | It was ambitious but fell flat, kind of like girl scouts.

Heathers | Alright, that's what I'm talking about! Winona Ryder!

Bridge to Terabithia | It made me cry like a little bitch!

Sex and Death 101 | Winona Ryder was underused but it was okay... It didn't make a lot of sense though.

Dazed and Confused | I was neither Dazed nor Confused but Milla Jocovich was seriously underused. Hey, that rhymes!

Mulholland Drive | It started out as something you might see on network television... then she opened up that box which lead to a strange HBOesque world!

Bless the Child | It was awful but it wasn't terrible... no wait... it was terrible.

Smiley Face | It made me want to smoke pot!

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk WIth Me | Twin Peaks gets HBOed!

Wristcutters: A Love Story | It made me want to kill myself! (Note: That's actually a good thing.)

City of Ember | It was a good adaption of a very weird ass book!

The Great Muppet Caper | I liked that part were they dressed up a guy as Miss Piggy in order to show her riding a motorcycle.

Stephanie Daley | Wow! Amber Tamblyn and Tilda Swinton!

Quaratine | Hooray for Jennifer Carpenter! It was actually pretty scary and got kind of freaky deaky.

Spiral | I could totally relate to the main character which might not be a good thing. Plus Amber Tamblyn!

Bride and Prejudice | This movie could totally kick your ass!

The Spiderwick Chronicles | Its well made but it totally cements Freddie Highmore as the male version of Dakota Fanning.
"Okay, so we need a young male actor... Freddie Highmore!"
"But wouldn't it be easier to find twins who can act?"
"Your fired!"

What's Cooking? | I can't remember what was cooking but it was a damn fine movie.

The Changeling | It creeped me out a lot... just like Christopher Walken!

The Devil's Backbone | It was really good but I didn't really enjoy it that much... probably because I failed Spanish.

Lars and the Real Girl | It was awesome and I could totally relate to the main character... yes, its true, I'm very screwed up. In fact I'm so screwed up I can even relate to Dexter Morgan.

Thank You for Smoking | Aaron Eckhart has such an innocent looking face. If I saw him rob a bank I'd lie and say someone else did it... oh yeah, the movie was pretty good too.

Waitress | It was pretty great but I wanted to punch Keri Russell... because of Felicity.

That's all for now bitches!

No comments: